i don't know how to be broken

I don’t know how to be broken.  Though they say you can find anything on Amazon, you cannot find the book “How to Be Broken for Dummies”.  I searched.  It’s not there.  I have long prided myself on having my “stuff” together and a thumb on me, my issues, and how to manage and maintain myself, without any help from anybody else.  However, 2019 was a stellar year for brokenness for me.  It was as though a switch was flipped and I could not flip it back, nor was simply waiting it out/the passing of time flipping the switch back either.  While I cannot articulate my particular brokenness in so many words at present, or perhaps ever, I will simply echo a lament of Job… an assessment of himself, if you will, in a dark moment:  “But I don’t have the strength to endure.  I have nothing to live for.  Do I have the strength of a stone?  Is my body made of bronze?  No, I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success.”  (Job 6:11-13).  

When people ask for or share stories of healing to celebrate and praise God for what he has done, as well as to encourage others, it seems like completed stories are preferable.  But what if your healing hasn’t yet been completed?  What do you talk about then?  My brokenness did not get the memo that it was to wrap itself up in 2019 because 2020 was going to rock and people I know needed to hear about my victory and my healing.  Maybe the memo got “lost in the mail.”  I’m sure it’s on its way… maybe tomorrow… 

We’re a society that likes the “Hallmark Channel.”  [Ok, I don’t…]  But you get the idea.  I think we like order.  We like things to make sense.  A clear hero.  A clear villain.  An inspiring [albeit unoriginal, ahem, Hallmark Channel] plotline.  We like things with a clear beginning, a clear middle, and to be nicely wrapped up at the end.  We like predictability, familiarity, and control.  

What if, as you sit here reading this, your healing didn’t or doesn’t come about in an orderly, timely, easily-articulated fashion?  What if it’s not immediate?  What if you’re still waiting?  And what if you’re not sure it’ll ever come about?

Though the gospel echoed in song paints a beautiful [and true] picture of how God can and does use our brokenness, depending on what season of brokenness you may find yourself in, the words may feel more hollow rather than helpful.  

“You take brokenness aside and make it beautiful.” -All Sons & Daughters/“Brokenness Aside”

“You make beautiful things out of the dust.  You make beautiful things.  You make beautiful things out of us.”  -Gungor/“Beautiful Things”

“Nothing is wasted in the hands of our Redeemer… From the ruins, from the ashes, beauty will rise.”  -Jason Gray/”Nothing Is Wasted”

When you’re up to your eyeballs in the muck of brokenness, it’s hard to see the beauty.  

If you follow the big-picture story of scripture – the big, beautiful, redemptive, transformative story of hope, of a God who creates, a God who sustains, a God who redeems…a God who saves, a God who heals, a God who restores, a God who provides, a God who loves—hand-in-hand with that story is a universal story of brokenness, destruction, pain, hopelessness, hatred, cruelty, despair, and havoc that seems to be on repeat, cyclically impacting all of humanity collectively and individually.  Let’s face it, we wouldn’t have the need for the former if the latter wasn’t our present reality.  

While my world is a world where we murder, lie, cheat, steal, slander, and betray – basically a whole colorfully assorted rainbow of not pretty things—the truth is that my God is a God who raises dead things.  And my God IS and he may be KNOWN.  And somewhere in there is hope and healing.  Somewhere in there is an opportunity for the tiniest mustard seed of faith to take hold, sprout, and push up out of the ground…a tiny David triumphantly springing up toward the sun in the shadow of a mountainous Goliath.  

Yes…my world is a broken world and my life is a broken life.  But God is worthy of my praise and the recipient of my trust, even in my brokenness.  Simply, he wins in spite of, and over all the brokenness.  Because…Jesus.  

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.  Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.”  2 Corinthians 12:9

At present, I don’t fully understand how God’s power will be demonstrated in my brokenness, or honestly, how it can be beautiful.  But:

My God is a God who raises dead things.  

My God is a God who offers salvation.  

I can’t.  He can.  

My God can heal in an instant…immediately.  

My God can heal over a lifetime and into eternity.  

And my God is a God who also uses other people to help in the healing process.  

The man who had died came out, his hands and feet bound with linen strips, and his face wrapped with a cloth.  Jesus said to them, “Unbind him, and let him go.”  John 11:44

Jesus raised Lazarus from the dead; He called others to remove the grave clothes.  

In 2019 my level of brokenness was so deep and so foreign to me, and I was so unfamiliar to myself, that I chose to pursue some formal counseling, trusting God and allowing him to use somebody else to help in the healing process.  

Even with periodic pushes to end stigma surrounding mental health, there is often mixed receptivity about counseling, whether you’re a Christian or not.  Even I have struggled with what I think and how I feel about going.  Often, the most common response, whether or not we like to admit it, is “That’s great for you, I applaud you… [but it will be a cold day before I would ever do that ever…]” or a strange mix of grateful condescension and encouragement:  “That’s great, good for you!  [Oh, I’m so glad I don’t need that and I’m not a mess…like you…]”  Often, the thought of people’s broken struggles can isolate from both sides:  the broken are too uncomfortable to let people know of their brokenness, and people are too uncomfortable with hearing about and acknowledging the brokenness of others.  

So, where’s the hope?  Because when Jesus is involved, it’s gotta be somewhere.  

To echo the song our fantastic worship team has been singing, “See a Victory” by Elevation Worship:  I’m gonna see a victory… for the battle belongs to you Lord.  You take what the enemy meant for evil and you turn it for good.  Sometimes the most healing first step you can take is leaning in with front-loaded faith and trust that in the moment makes zero percent sense and, however feebly, praise God for the victory, with anticipation and expectation for what he will do, even if it seems like it’s a long way off.  And, as the Lord directs, consider allowing others to be aware you have some grave clothes that you’re slowly removing, and need help with removing, whether it’s close and trusted family and friends, a pastor, and/or a professional counselor/psychologist.  

And to echo Job’s assessment of God found in Job 19:25:  For I know that my Redeemer lives, and at the last he will stand upon the earth.  

To anyone reading this today who may be in a similar boat, know that I’m praying God gives you direction, that you respond with obedience, that God puts others who are both trusted and equipped in your path that can help with healing, and that even in the midst of your brokenness, you cling to Jesus and have unexplainable hopeful expectation in the waiting, as well as obedience and the humility to allow God to use others to help you in the healing.  

And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you, O LORD, have not forsaken those who seek you.  Psalm 9:10

FAMILY IT! — Wednesday Family Devotional — “Fierce Pursuit”

Hope is in the air!  Can you feel it?  This is the time of year when so many things start pointing our heads in that direction, which is a good thing, because hope is something that’s seriously lacking in our world.  You may even be sitting there not entirely sure of what it means.  My Merriam-Webster defines hope as a desire accompanied by expectation of or belief in fulfillment.  

So hope starts with a desire, something you want.  Got any of those?  Anything you’re dreaming about or longing for?  Ok, check.  Now to turn that desire into hope, you need to add some expectation.  You need to have a reason to believe you might actually get what you’re wanting, although you’re not certain.  For example, you may have a desire to be on a team at school.  If you know you’re pretty good or if you were on the team last year, you have a reasonable expectation or belief that you will actually make it.  You have hope.  Now let’s flip that around.  Let’s say you want to get a new car.  Unfortunately, money is pretty tight right now, and you know there’s no room in the budget for a payment.  The desire is there, but there’s no expectation.  You do not have hope.

What’s something you have hoped or are hoping for right now?  Something you want and have an expectation or belief in fulfillment?

Part of what leads my mind to hopefulness right now are the signs of spring.  Animals coming out of their winter retreats, trees beginning to bud, the giant row of daffodils along the side of my house stir those hopeful thoughts.  I’m reminded about how much I want warmer weather so I can open my windows and walk around in flip-flops without freezing my tootsies.  That’s my desire, and those green shoots in the yard and the rise in the thermometer give me the expectation.  Hope.

But the vernal equinox isn’t the only thing that creates hope.  This holiday we’re about to celebrate—Easter—is all about creating hope, too.  When Jesus paid the price for our sins by dying on the cross, He opened up so many possibilities for us.  He created a way for us to be in relationship with the Father God, and that means we become eligible for all of the promises he laid out in the Bible.  And these promises hit at the heart of some of our deepest desires, things much greater than cars and job promotions.  We’re talking things like a peace that goes beyond any normal understanding, a sense of purpose, guidance, help in times of trouble, healing from pain, a joy that is greater than sorrow, unconditional love.  Have you ever wanted any of those?  Well because of what Jesus did—dying on the cross and returning to life—you can have an expectation of them when you have a relationship with Him!  Isn’t that awesome??

Even more than that, though, is what John talks about in his book.  “Jesus provided far more God-revealing signs than are written down in this book. These are written down so you will believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and in the act of believing, have real and eternal life in the way he personally revealed it.”  (John 20:30-31 Msg)

Eternal life!  The chance to live forever just like Jesus showed us in Scripture.  Do you have any desire for that??  Well if you have a relationship with the Savior, you also have a reason to believe it will be fulfilled.  You have hope!  Jesus is the Herald of Hope, because He brings so much expectation, the possibilities that the things we want most can really truly happen.

How does Jesus bring you hope personally?  What desire can you expect in Him?  Share with your family.

Now remember, we started by saying that hope was something that’s seriously lacking in our world.  Think of someone you know, maybe a friend or family member, who seems to be out of hope.  They may have the desire for something, but for whatever reason, they’ve lost that expectation or belief that it will be fulfilled.  How can Jesus be the hope for them?  What can you do to share that hope?  This may be something as simple as inviting them to an Easter event this week, or something as involved as spending regular time with them so you can shine light on the hope that’s available to them.

As you pray together, thank Jesus for the hope He brings into your life and into the world.  Ask for help in offering hope to the people you shared, and pray that His hope would spread this Easter to new hearts in churches all around the globe!

FAMILY IT! — Wednesday Family Devotional — “B|Neighbors”

Supplies: Bible

SHARE 

If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?  Bright blue eyes?  Curly hair?  More height?  Less weight?  The ability to post your brother in a game of one-on-one?  Take a couple of minutes to think about it, then when everyone has an answer, go around and share.  What are the chances that this change might actually take place in your life?

READ

We’re starting a new sermon series this week, centered around Paul and several relationships he had with others.  We’re reading about his first relational encounter this week.  Have someone share Acts 9 from the Bible.

THINK

Ok, so Saul had some serious flaws in his character.  It could be he always longed to be taller or maybe he had a crooked nose that he wished were straight.  But nothing in his life could have been as bad as his heart.  He was a Jesus-hater!  Saul was repulsed by anything that had to do with the supposed Messiah.  In fact, he was so obsessed with his loathing that he made it his personal mission to take down anyone who claimed to follow the Nazarene.  I bet just about everyone he met figured there was 0% chance that he would ever change.

Then Saul met Jesus.

It’s amazing how that one encounter, beginning that one relationship can change things so dramatically.  We get to watch Saul become a totally different person because of this meeting.  In fact, he changed so much, Jesus changed his name too.  Where Saul was a Jesus-hater, Paul was a Jesus-sharer.  This run-in with Christ totally turned his life upside-down.  Instead of focusing on the anger and hated he had for others, Paul became consumed with what he wanted to share with people: the love and hope Jesus has for each of us.

APPLY

That same hope is available to everyone.  Most of us have some things about ourselves we wished were different, and some of those things are pretty deep in our hearts.  No matter what you’re longing for today, know that Jesus holds the hope of your future.  Joy, love, peace, contentment—they are all realities when we live in relationship with the Savior.  If He can change Saul, He can transform all of us.  

PRAY

Dear Jesus, thank You for loving Saul, for loving him so much that You changed his whole life.  I know that You love me just as much, which means I can be changed just as much.  Fill me with Your hope for my future, Jesus.  In Your Name we pray.  Amen

REPLY

Did you and your family enjoy this devotional blog?  We'd love to know about it!  Our hope is to continue providing this weekly opportunity for families to do a devotion together.  If your family did this devotion, please shoot us an email, text or just post a comment to this blog.

Wednesday Bible Readings

• Luke 24:1-12 (NIV) 

Jesus Has Risen 
 24 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 8 Then they remembered his words.

 9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

• Matthew 20:27-28 (NIV)

27 "and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— 28 just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many.”

• 2 Corinthians 1:1-22 (NIV)

1 Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God, and Timothy our brother,
To the church of God in Corinth, together with all his holy people throughout Achaia:
2 Grace and peace to you from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.

Praise to the God of All Comfort 
3 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. 5 For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. 6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

8 We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters,[a] about the troubles we experienced in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt we had received the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. 10 He has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us again. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, 11 as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many.

Paul’s Change of Plans
12 Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, with integrity and godly sincerity. We have done so, relying not on worldly wisdom but on God’s grace. 13 For we do not write you anything you cannot read or understand. And I hope that, 14 as you have understood us in part, you will come to understand fully that you can boast of us just as we will boast of you in the day of the Lord Jesus.

15 Because I was confident of this, I wanted to visit you first so that you might benefit twice. 16 I wanted to visit you on my way to Macedonia and to come back to you from Macedonia, and then to have you send me on my way to Judea. 17 Was I fickle when I intended to do this? Or do I make my plans in a worldly manner so that in the same breath I say both “Yes, yes” and “No, no”?

18 But as surely as God is faithful, our message to you is not “Yes” and “No.” 19 For the Son of God, Jesus Christ, who was preached among you by us—by me and Silas and Timothy—was not “Yes” and “No,” but in him it has always been “Yes.” 20 For no matter how many promises God has made, they are “Yes” in Christ. And so through him the “Amen” is spoken by us to the glory of God. 21 Now it is God who makes both us and you stand firm in Christ. He anointed us, 22 set his seal of ownership on us, and put his Spirit in our hearts as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

Easter Sunday Bible Readings

• Luke 24:1-12 (NIV)

Jesus Has Risen 
 24 On the first day of the week, very early in the morning, the women took the spices they had prepared and went to the tomb. 2 They found the stone rolled away from the tomb, 3 but when they entered, they did not find the body of the Lord Jesus. 4 While they were wondering about this, suddenly two men in clothes that gleamed like lightning stood beside them. 5 In their fright the women bowed down with their faces to the ground, but the men said to them, “Why do you look for the living among the dead? 6 He is not here; he has risen! Remember how he told you, while he was still with you in Galilee: 7 ‘The Son of Man must be delivered over to the hands of sinners, be crucified and on the third day be raised again.’ ” 8 Then they remembered his words.

9 When they came back from the tomb, they told all these things to the Eleven and to all the others. 10 It was Mary Magdalene, Joanna, Mary the mother of James, and the others with them who told this to the apostles. 11 But they did not believe the women, because their words seemed to them like nonsense. 12 Peter, however, got up and ran to the tomb. Bending over, he saw the strips of linen lying by themselves, and he went away, wondering to himself what had happened.

• Acts 2:42-47 (NIV)

The Fellowship of the Believers
 42 They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. 43 Everyone was filled with awe at the many wonders and signs performed by the apostles. 44 All the believers were together and had everything in common. 45 They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need. 46 Every day they continued to meet together in the temple courts. They broke bread in their homes and ate together with glad and sincere hearts, 47 praising God and enjoying the favor of all the people. And the Lord added to their number daily those who were being saved.

• Romans 8:20-22 (NIV) 

20 For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope 21 that[a] the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

22 We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time.