Joseph was in prison for years, and finally got hope of a
better life, only to be forgotten for another two years. But we know the next part of the story that
he couldn’t possibly have expected. God
brought him out at an opportune time to act as His representative to Pharaoh
and eventually to the whole region.
I have a personal story that this part of Joseph’s story
reminds me of: I struggled with feeling depressed during my senior year of high
school. These times of feeling down were
not just natural sadness, but not necessarily clinical depression, either. It was a recurring feeling of wanting to cry
for no reason, but it was not constant, and it did not leave me hopeless. My hope remained in Christ and that He was
going to use that time of my life somehow.
During my freshman year of college, I did not experience these feelings
nearly as much, so I praised God and sometimes put it in my testimony that He
brought me through it.
And then the feelings came back. It was so frustrating when almost a year ago,
I noticed that I was feeling down much more often again. I mean, it’s a whole lot easier to bravely
stand and say, “look what God brought me through; now I’m all better because of
Him” than it is to say, “I’m still struggling.”
I couldn’t wrap my mind around it.
When I get into that low place, I can’t focus on what I need
to do, but of course I’m extremely focused on the fact that I need to do it,
making me more anxious and upset. My
mind throws lies and hurtful questions at me, leaving me feeling helpless: Why do you feel this way? There are people who have actual problems who
have the right to feel this way. What’s
gone wrong in your life? What kind of
pastor are you going to be if you get this way?
You’re not much of a leader.
You’re such an idiot. You need to
get these things done. Why can’t you
just focus? What kind of a Christian are
you?
Finally during one of these breakdowns, I reached out for
help. From that point, I started a
journey of learning ways to respond when these feelings come. Possibly the biggest breakthrough was when I
truly gave this to God and felt free.
However, being free from the bondage and identity of depression does not
mean never feeling depressed. Living
free means living each moment in close relationship and constant communication
with God. When I’m in a good mood, it’s
like Joseph’s time of promotion: I praise God for that and use the abilities He
has given me. I ask Him to help me be
diligent and productive. That way, when I’m feeling down, I can allow myself to
take a break and not freak out that I won’t get things done. During those times, like Joseph waiting for
God to act, I trust that He will get me through and show me the way out, as He
always has. And I’ve learned not only to
pray and tell God that I trust Him, but to actually praise Him during these
times. Freedom is holding onto truth. John 8:32 says, “Then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you
free.” It’s hard to hold onto anything when I feel
that way, and I can’t think straight during those times, but God allows me to
hold onto the truth that He is good and worthy to be praised.
Sorry this post was so long, but thanks for reading. I felt I needed to share this part of my life
and story with you, and I hope that it is an encouragement to you. Basically, when life is good, praise God and
use the gifts He gives. When life is
hard, praise God and trust Him to take care of you. Nothing without prayer. I miss you all and love you and am praying for
PoC!! Thanks for your love and prayers
too J
Pastor Julie
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